1. When I was in an unhealthy relationship//
When I was much younger than I am, I was in a very long term relationship. It was my first time being in one and I really thought that we were going to last forever. The funny thing is, a little thing such as physical distance can change all of that. The phone calls were less frequent, the contact was virtually non existent or should I say incredibly one sided. It was almost as if I was begging for his attention. I shouldn’t have to beg – I thought he was mine. However, whilst I was thinking it was the distance and he was at a very important stage at his life. There was something even deeper that I was afraid to admit to myself… He just wasn’t interested anymore. Our relationship was by no means perfect and it had a lot of rocky parts but I thought we were so strong in our love that nothing could shake us. Boy was I wrong. My longing for what we used to have turned into an unhealthy obsession. I kept trying to do things to make him love me harder and he just wasn’t responding or reciprocating.
When he didn’t give into me, I eventually wanted to end my life. He was my everything and if he wasn’t in my life, I had nothing. I tried everything to get rid of the pain that it was undoubtedly over between us but nothing and I mean nothing worked. Point 5 explains my victory..
2. When I thought I was not going to meet my assignments//
The days that I suffered lastminute.com syndrome with my uni work. When that deadline was only a day away and your whole degree depended on it. I used to stress myself like shit but I always ended up meeting the deadline even when the worse amount of work was like 4 in one weekend.
3. When I had insurmountable debt and I had no money //
There was a time when I was unemployed and looking for work for the longest time. I thought that I was not good enough and that was where I almost wanted to give up. I had no money and I had many outstanding debts that I needed to pay off. After subsequent persistence, I got a volunteering opportunity that eventually led to a job.
4. When I thought I had depression //
After my breakup, I felt as low as fuck. I had no self esteem, I was lonely and I thought that I would never find love again. I may have had depression at time but after reflective thinking, I realised that it may have been my faulty way of viewing the world at the time. One thing I learned from Anthony de Mello’s teachings was that you shouldn’t identify too much with your emotions. Instead of saying ‘I am depressed’ you replace that with ‘depression is passing through me.’ Same goes for everything else. This has really helped me get over many emotional obstacles.
5. When I thought I wouldn’t get over my ex //
It took me 4 years to fully get over my ex… 4 years! I went through so many stages of grief for that relationship. Days were hard to get through because he truly was the love of my life.
Towards the end of the 4 years, I received a breakthrough and we became civil and friendly to each other. We even got intimate with each other but guess what? I felt nothing. I never thought I would ever get to that stage.
roses are my favourite flowers 